A Music Lesson Over Lunch

A Music Lesson Over Lunch

A few years ago, I met up with a very good friend from college for lunch.  We haven’t seen each other for quite some time.  The first thing he said when he saw me?  “What happened to you?!  You look like crap!”  What was that again?  Oh my goodness!  If it was some other guy, I would have done one of the following:  (a)  yell “Whaaat!”, slap, swear, and hate him for being so brutally honest; (b)  drop my sagging butts on the chair, break down and let him watch me tear myself into pieces; or, (c) force out a chuckle and pretend he was just joking.  But, knowing him all too well, I valued his comment as an expression of alarming concern.  So, how did I exactly take the crappy words?  I calmly seated myself beside him and said, “I really look that bad, huh?”

“Actually, no.”  He said, “But it’s the way you carry yourself.  The potentials are still there…”   Potentials?  What’s that supposed to mean? 

“You know what, let me ask you something.  When was the last time that you ever paid attention to yourself…physically.  Like spend minutes in front of the mirror.  Umm, we need to order first.  You look starved.” 

He did have a point there.  Come to think of it, when I wake up every dawn, the first thing that comes to mind is “What am I going to cook for breakfast?”  Then I would attend to the kitchen chores; keep an eye on the wall clock to make sure that everything is ready by 6 o’clock. (Most of the time, they are never ready and that even adds up to the tension at such an early morning.)  Then wake up the kids to prepare for school and nag for the next half hour or so just to keep them moving, bathing, eating and all.  I have to rush up myself, grab my things without having a look in the mirror and head off for school and work.  At night, I’ll be in front of the PC monitor doing research and write-ups.  It’s all routine, actually.  Mondays through Fridays.  Weekends are even worse.  I’ll be so engrossed with the housecleaning that I would only get the chance to bathe in the afternoon. 

“Okay.  Now, I’m starting to feel bad about myself.” I blurted out.  “Hand me those oysters.” 

“Look, you need to take a break.  Everyone does.  We’re all in a race here to sustain a career, a marriage, a family or a business.  It’s a common tendency to overlook our own selves.  Lots of people even lose themselves in the process.  When that happens, you’ll be totally burned out. Drained of any energy and drive.  You’ll feel old and undesirable.  You’ll start feeling that you have nothing left to give, not even to yourself.  Extra rice?”

Oh, my!  I think I’ve read that up in the internet.  Motherhood burnout makes you fantasize about running away from your own kids.  Marital burnout makes you either emotionally numb or yearning for something that you can’t even recognize.  Job burnout puts you in danger of losing your career and your mind!  “So, what do you suggest I do now?” 

“Start paying attention to yourself.  Buy a handy mirror if you want.  Hahaha!”  Idiot.  “I’m full.  You better eat up all of these food.  You’re so skinny.  Actually, I’ve always found music to be truly therapeutic.  Don’t you know that there are only two things which are logical in this world?”  Hmm, idiot turned philosophical now.  “Math and music.” 

Okay, I get the mathematics.  But music?  Isn’t that supposed to be subjective? 

“Yes, music.  Think of a particular song.  Does that song remind you of something or someone and the feelings associated with the memories?  Well, can I argue with those memories?” 

Poncio Pilato.  Well, okay.  You have another point there. 

“Why don’t you go back to your own kind of music?  Listen to the songs that you really liked.  Susan Vega?  Tears for Fears?  Windham Hill?  Enya?  Madonna?  It doesn’t matter.  Nobody else needs to hear them.  Just you.  And your memories.  You’ll start feeling better.  You’ll look good again.  Trust me.  Besides, with all the work load we have and the pressing responsibilities we need to fulfil everyday, it’s actually quite hard to really take a vacation.  But with music, you can even take it with you anywhere, anytime.”

I did follow my friend’s advice.  On the first day, I listened to Susanne Vega’s Left of Center.  Pleasantly embarrassing and funny memories in college rushed in.  I found myself laughing.  I remember my individualistic yet secured self.  I was aloof to many but I made long lasting friendships, though very few.  I felt I have rediscovered my inner strengths.  On the second day, I listened to China Crisis’s Wishful Thinking.  Ahhh, my high school boyfriend, I mean my high school days.  I was sweet, honest, wouldn’t hurt a fly.  I didn’t even know how to be angry.  My passion then was ballet.  I decided I should stop yelling and cursing and divert my everyday stress to some art or dance class.  Since then, I’ve been listening to beautiful songs from the past and even contemporary ones.  I feel rejuvenated every time.  I can’t explain it.  I can’t argue either.  My friend was right.  Music is absolutely vital to me.  It speaks so much about what my life has been and it keeps telling me of who I really want to be.  I’m into J Lo these days… (Don’t you dare give me that look!)

I actually crossed paths with my good friend again.  “Heeey, the music thing is doing me some good.  How do I look now?”  He smiled.  “Keep working on it.  Your breasts are still sagging.”